By Chelsea Wojes November 15, 2013
“Without a doubt… the worst part of being a single woman was having to take care of your own car.”
― Lisa Kleypas
Well, I hate to admit it, but I think we’re spot on with this quote. Or at least close? I’ll survey my gal pals at another time and let you know.
Lisa’s quote struck a chord with me, because she says “the worst part…” not, “the only part” of single life problems. To me, this indicates she believes there are many things wrong with being a single woman. In this day and age, Lisa is not the only one who seems to think many things are wrong in being single. Society would have us believe we are miserable and lonely if we are single (or sometimes outright promiscuous) or bored and buried if married (save for the adulterers). As a Catholic woman – both of those options seem far from reality. As a single girl (single meaning unmarried) I often chuckle at some of my friends comments or Facebook status’ which read such profound statements like “Who needs a man when you have a puppy?” or “Hubby’s out with the guys for the night, so it’s time to have some fun! It’s ladies night!” My mind goes many places with the words I could retort… but I won’t. I’ll just surmise some thoughts here.
While it’s true that a single, Catholic girl could be lonely and miserable, it is certainly not 100% attributed to the fact that she is not dating a man or is unmarried. Likewise, a married woman is hardly able to say she is “bored and buried” when married to her husband, unless of course there are marital problems. I would argue that if, in those circumstances, the women are what society describes them as, much of it has to do with a serious lack of proper priorities in one’s life. If God is not your first, foremost, and center of your being, how else do you expect to be happy with or without a partner? How can you be happy with anyone if you’re not first happy with your creator? The one who breathed into your lungs so you may have life (Genesis 2:7), the one who died so that you may live (1 Thess 5:10), and the one who will come again in glory (Luke 21:27), is here and present whenever you call upon Him; and yet we would have the world and ourselves, believe us to be unhappy! What a strange world we live in.
Perhaps I speak too broadly on behalf of my Catholic sisters, but I must say that this whole “being single and unmarried” bit is not in the least bit uncomfortable, dreadful, boring, or anything less than pleasant. In fact, it’s a truly blessed state of life to be in as I am able to focus on my spiritual life fervently, each and every day. And when I am married, I will be able to do that and focus on my husband’s spiritual life and formation too! How fantastic is that? I wonder how often women get confused in the “hurry up and wait” game of life, where we are shuffled towards all things bridal, wedding, and honeymoon, only to learn that we have to wait for God’s most perfect timing in our earthly vocations. How is it that we are missing the point of living an extraordinary single life? This is God’s gift to us single women: to learn how to love Him while being in a graciously independent state of life. Ignore all the yearnings for “the perfect man”. Do you know he doesn’t exist? You’ll be waiting a lifetime – literally – to see the perfect One. Pray for the one which God has aligned in the stars for you. While you’re praying for that one to show up or praying for your vocation to be made known, praise and glorify His name for the amazing things He has done in your life! Being single is not a burden to wish away for another phase of life (religious or married), and it is not something to be ashamed of in any way. The single life is home to some of the greatest saints and heroes of our world. Let us strive to be like them, and as we wait patiently for our Heavenly home, let us wait with the same anticipation for each day’s journey with God. Love the state of life you are in. God put you there for a reason.
Chelsea Wojes – A professed Catholic convert and Aquinas College alumna, Chelsea hails from Traverse City but has found her home in Grand Rapids. She works for St. Thomas the Apostle Parish and confesses to working towards homesteading and using social media for good, not evil.